Two truths and a lie

One.

I once went for this party a friend was throwing at her house, where I didn’t really know anyone else in attendance. Solution? Make new friends. Easy peasy. Well, I accidentally talked to this guy that might have fallen in love with me. He followed me everywhere. Everywhere!

Every time I walked out of the bathroom, he was either crouched nearby, fidgeting, waiting, or actually standing right there ‘waiting to use the bathroom’. Every time I was having a conversation with anyone that wasn’t him, he was crouched nearby, fidgeting, waiting—intense stares and all. At one point, the host takes a friend and I into the kitchen to get something to eat. I begin to tell her that this boy is driving me mad, but turn to find him standing at the entrance of the kitchen, asking for a glass of water. He sits down with us at the kitchen island, and proceeds to down his water in the same time it takes us to complete platefuls of rice and beef.

You might be thinking, ‘Ramona, you’re the one that was excited to make new friends!’ Our conversations went something like this:

‘Romana, right?’

‘No..Ramona’

‘Oh sorry..I keep confusing it with Rome. Have you been?’

‘No, I haven’t. Have you?’

‘Yeah.. it’s such a beautiful city!’

crickets

‘Romana, right?’

Two.

At my first official ‘adult’ uni hang, I met this man who told me he was 27. (I’d told him my age—19, so he must have felt the need to cut his age in half). He might have been trying to persuade me into marriage with him the entirety of our conversation— I’m not sure. He kept saying he wanted to end up with someone like me, and was going to buy me an even better phone than the one I had, etc etc. The conversation is so outlandish, that I assume he’s on drugs, and decide to relax and be entertained.

I run into him again maybe eight months later. I figure he doesn’t remember me, and is still on drugs his eyes are a dead giveaway, so I pay him no mind when he tries to talk to me.

I run into him again! A month later, my friends and I end up at the same place he’s at. We’re sitting at neighbouring tables so we end up talking. At the end of the night, he goes to put his number in my phone, but I refuse, knowing his name will pop up having saved it all those months ago. So, I offer to put mine in his. And he calls it. (Crap) He then looks me dead in the eye and says, ‘Gwe unblock me!’

I panic for second but then remember— he’s on drugs! He can’t possibly remember me!

Well, a few months later I spot him during daylight, turns out his eyes are just naturally always at half mast. He was never on drugs..

Three.

I am actually…a man.